Tag Archives: weight loss

Feeling swell.

I went into a dressing room without crying yesterday. In fact, it was fun! And I was only limited by the fact that I don’t have more than $50 to spend on frivolities. I don’t know how to express how joyous it was to go into a dressing room with actual CHOICES. To not be disgusted by what I saw in the mirror. Yeah, yeah, self-esteem and all that– but truth be told, I’ve been legitimately FAT and it’s horrible. Nobody can say anything to you that you haven’t already beaten yourself up about a million times before. Even as a chubby adolescent, dressing rooms were torture chambers of tears. I was never the scrawny, cartwheel-turning kid. I liked to read books and binge-eat candy and snacks. I was active, sure (I used to take private tennis lessons at three different clubs)– but my natural impulse has always been to eat and lay around. I have never been able to find a pair of jeans that fit correctly, let alone the luxury of just “throwing on” a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Always some kind of muffin-top to worry about– doesn’t matter how loose the t-shirt is. Horrible, horrible.

In my 20s, I abused prescription diet pills and energy drinks something awful. I always lost and gained back the same 20-30lbs. Or I’d go into cardio crazytown and take my ex’ Adderall and see how many months it would take me to burn out (about 6). That resulted in the most epic weight gain in the history of my existence. I gained 60 lbs over the next 6 months. Mainly owing to Costco-sized jars of Nutella and a spoon. And an obviously unhealthy obsession with Big Boy’s Brownie Hot Fudge Sundaes. And fast food. McDonald’s breakfast sandwiches were a daily thing. I think I was also rebelling against my brief stint (while dating and being married to my ex) with veganism.

Anyway, I’ve pretty much been battling that 60 lbs since 2009– when I decided to crawl out of my padded purgatory. I was so unhappy. It really wasn’t until 2010 that changes started to show (at 5’4 and 211+ lbs– it takes a while before anyone can tell you’ve lost any weight. It wasn’t until I got into the 160s that people even mentioned anything, which was kind of a bummer. A 50lb weight loss is no joke).

Right now I’m 5’4″ and holding steady at 149.8lbs. I lose 1-3 lbs a month. It’s not really important to me, that number. But the fact that I’m able to eke into a size 6 and wear (occasionally) Smalls (smalls! me! I still don’t believe it)– is so exciting.


October 2009. Just call me “Pat.”


Dec. 2, 2012. In the Old Navy Dressing Room. Progress feels GOOD.


Palleo Challenge, Day #5

Weigh-in: Bummer. Am up to 171.4. I ate an awful lot yesterday, plus– maybe some of it was really salty? I hope? This is the part I don’t like about weighing in, every day– when the number on the scale goes UP. So, up, like– 6 ounces from yesterday. Probably the little chicken baby I’m growing in there… WHO EATS HALF A CHICKEN IN ONE SITTING?!


I tried to get a full eight hours of sleep last night, but I still woke up about 20 minutes early. I’m exhausted & achy, in any case.

I swear, I could use another massage toute-de-suite.


I’m too tired, achy & full to even be hungry for breakfast. I think I’ll skip it. I won’t, however, be skipping the last of my Hot Cinnamon Spice Tea. B gave me a tin of 20 bags on Christmas Eve & I just used the last one this morning. [/addiction]


I feel like going tanning tonight. Not for the tan (which my skin doesn’t really take), but for the coconut vacation smell & the nap. Is that so wrong?


Ended up having a late Breakfast: small bag of trail mix (raw hazelnuts, almonds, walnuts & raisins) & my usual big, all-day thermos of hot cinnamon spice tea.

Lunch: the usual. Traverse City Salad from Rub BBQ w/ grilled chicken.

Snack: pistachios.

Dinner: spinach, feta & tomato omelette w/ some hashbrowns & bacon from Coney Island. I need groceries.

Dessert: mint tarragon tea.


Paleo Challenge, Day #4

Weigh-in: 170.8! Yeah, buddy!


Note: check back later for full update (I just like to post my weight first thing in the morning).


I am dressed like a ninja.


Exercise: Ran 3.13 miles in 33 minutes. How come I’m so slow? Is it fair for me to blame the cold weather? I’ve lost 10 lbs over holidays, so it’s not weight gain. Oh well. Whatever. I’m outside running, in any case.


2 pieces of bacon, 2 eggs scrambled with spinach, chopped shallots, red, yellow & green peppers.

Breakfast: 2 pieces of bacon, another amazing 2-egg scramble– all scrambled in the bacon grease! YUM! I did scramble in a few potatoes & some tiny pieces of green bean (was trying to get rid of a bag of frozen stuff from Trader Joe’s). I’m not going to lose sleep over it.

Snack: my little trail mix baggy (pistachios, dried cranberries, pepitas, & almonds)

Lunch: some sweet potatoes mashed, some steamed vegetables & pulled pork.

Pulled pork, steamed veggies & sweet potatoes mashed from Rub BBQ.

Pulled pork, steamed veggies & sweet potatoes mashed from Rub BBQ.

Snack: (I was hungrier than normal): clementine & some pistachios.

Dinner: half a chicken. No lie. Flame-broiled chicken, no less & no more. No salt, no extras… but still… that’s a lot of bird.

I’m really full. Overdid the eating today.




Had 2 glasses of red win at book club tonight.  It was delicious. The company excellent.

Paleo Challenge, Day #1

Weigh-in: 172.8 lbs (which is crazy, since I weighed in at 177.6 last night– and that was before I ate marshmallows & bacon for dinner). I’ll try to do this every day at approximately the same time: as soon as I wake up, after I pee.

Considering that a little over a year ago I hit rock-bottom at 210 lbs, I’m not
weepy about it. And since I was 187 in October, I’m even less upset.

I’m getting there… slowly. I’d just like to move a little faster, so I can wear cute outfits. Especially those cute dresses from Anthropologie stashed in my closet since spring 2008, many of which I only wore once… some not at all. All size 6s. Siiiigh.

Yeah, I weigh a shit-ton. Always have. I’m only 5’4″. I don’t look like a roly-poly walking down the street or anything, I’m just…
densely-packed? And, yes, I could stand to lose 20 or 30 lbs. Which is what this is about.


My alarm never went off, so my meal-planning time went to hell.

Breakfast: macadamia nuts & some smoked salmon

Lunch: Traverse City Salad w/ Grilled Chicken, almonds, dried cherries, & balsamic vinaigrette from Rub BBQ.

Traverse City Salad

Snack: holy shit I ate a lot of pistachios.

Dinner: about 10 mini-Italian sausages, some walnuts, 2 wheat-free, gluten-free flax crackers.

Oh. And 2 bites of a shitty swordfish filet I attempted to cook for tomorrow. Gross.


Exercise: Ran last 3 days in a row, so I took today off. Also, wore fancy-high-heeled boots all day & boy, do my feet hurt. Boo. Hiss.