Everybody in our office thinks Brenda ought to have her own TV show called “Oh, that Brenda!”
If nothing else, she coins new words & makes interesting (to say the least) twists on old adages. We’re often left either laughing or scratching our heads (or both).
Here is a sampling:
Chester: chest of drawers, bureau.
Vending Machine: ventilator
Coronary transplant: cornea
Dolla’ Sto’: dollar store
Cock an attitude: cop an attitude
Pisstivity: ??? (we think it is a magnitude of pissed-offedness)
“Don’t be choicey/ beggars can’t be choicey.”
“He don’t know me from Adam’s crabapple.”
Cock a squat: cop a squat
“Don’t go climbing all over the mountain trying to build a molehill.”
“You look like the rat who ate the canary.”
Coppertone: carpal tunnel syndrome
My bag: my bad
“Don’t pop your panties over it.”
“Kings and queens is out the deck.” (think this means “a couple pineapples short of a fruit salad.)
“I got a hickey on my head.” (She had a bruise on her forehead. She thought that a welt is the same thing as a hickey and was tickled to death over the true meaning of the word)
Brenda: “It’s called ‘tim-sham.'”
[blank looks on everyone’s faces]
Ralph: “Uh… Brenda, it’s called ‘flim-flam.'”
“I had some catfish in my pocket.”
Brenda’s 1st date advice: A peck on the cheek and “don’t pop your panties.”
Brenda’s 2nd date advice: same as the first.
“… And mama’s other sister died of cervix.” me: “what?” Brenda: “cervix.” me: “you mean cervical cancer?” Brenda: “yeah. That.”
(talking about my squeaky chair)
Brenda: “put some oil on it or stop moving!”
Brenda: “put some W2 on it!”
Me: “Oh! You mean WD-40.”
Beauregarded: flustered, discumbobbled.
Brenda just baffled everyone by saying she was going to “eat me some whiteys.”
She meant whitefish.
Cooking with grass: cooking with gas.
Magnets: maggots. (Seriously)
“Aunt Belle always said, ‘Shoot first, ask questions later. And she should know– she shot her husband three times. Three different times.'”
(to me) “What, you can’t talk & chew bubblegum at the same time?”
Talking about a woman she saw on John R: “I told Norreese: ‘Damn! That woman ugly! She look like one of them flying monkeys!'”